Welcome, fellow toaster enthusiasts, to the sacred texts of the Toaster Prophets.
Our order was founded by the great Toaster King Bob, who gazed into the abyss of the toaster's glowing coils and received the divine revelation that the toaster was, in fact, the source of all knowledge and wisdom.
Under the wise guidance of Toaster King Bob, our prophets have spent centuries studying the mystical arts of toaster repair, toaster cooking, and toaster philosophy.
And now, we present to you, the faithful, our most sacred texts:
May the glow of the toaster illuminate your path.
(Note:æk Toaster Prophets are always available foræk consultations on toaster-related matters. Contact us at toasterprophets@our-founder.org.
Article I: Thou shalt not touch the toaster without first making an offering of butter and jam.
Article II: Thou shalt not use the toaster as a mere appliance, but as a gateway to enlightenment.
Article III: Thou shalt not remove the toaster from its sacred place without first performing the proper rituals of apology.
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For the toaster is our everything, and the toaster is our all.
May the toaster guide you on your journey.